Living In What I Prayed For (Again)

A Prayer From Two Years Ago

Father, today You reminded me in Proverbs 16 that my plans belong to You. I can plan all I want. What I plan may seem right in my own eyes, but, ultimately, the answer comes only from You. Lord, You weigh my spirit to see if my plans should be established. Would You help me to commit my plans to You and You alone? What will it look like to commit my plans to You? Will it hurt? Will it cost more of my suffering, Lord? My future is blurry. I don't know what is going to happen, but You do. Help me to trust in You, God.

These are the very words I wrote in my journal almost two years ago, on May 17, 2023. And what followed these words were very, very specific prayers (which I will not share here). All five prayers were answered; not a single one went unanswered!

A Time of Uncertainty

Why do I share this? I am in a time of absolute uncertainty. It’s a bit overwhelming that I couldn’t help but ask myself: Was this what I had prayed for?

It’s a familiar pattern for me. Whenever something completely out of my control happens, I often look back at my journal and realize that I had prayed for that exact thing—something no one else but God only knew.

I am reminded that even when things feel out of my control, God has always been in control. He heard my cry two years ago. And He is answering now, especially in ways that I never once anticipated. Sometimes, seeing prayers answered in this way freak me out—in a good way, of course! We do serve a supernatural God who sees, hears, and answers our cries.

In Full Surrender

There were moments when I had to just completely surrender to Him something in my life, and He completely delivered. If I were to sit down with you right now and tell you what God has done in my life in the last two years, you'd think I fabricated the story because of how miraculous it has been.

It bewilders me to see again that God really does exist when He answers something only you made known to Him. I told Him that I'd surrender and let loose my grip on situations I could no longer control, and that wherever He led me, I would submit and follow Him even if it'd make me uncertain and uncomfortable.

And throughout these last two years, some sacrifices had to be made, whether it be opportunities or even unfruitful relationships. It has been a season of learning and grasping the reality of God's sovereignty in my personal life.

I can say that He has taught me what it means to truly surrender to Him. It wasn't easy. It hurt. It really hurt.

Refiner's Fire

Surrendering to God came with a lot more suffering than I anticipated, but, looking back, it was all worth it because I know God is working for my good, fulfilling the prayers I once prayed years ago. He is conforming me to the image of Jesus... He is making me more like Jesus.

In my uncertainty, He is working. In my surrendering, He is pruning. In my trusting, He is refining.

He gets the honor. He gets the praise. Soli Deo Gloria.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4).