Church Hurt: Shepherds Struck By Sheep (Part IV)

Author's Note: This is Part IV of the Church Hurt Series. If you haven't already, please read Part III here.

Pastors Experience Church Hurt Too

Church hurt is often discussed from the perspective of congregants, but I believe less attention is given to the emotional and spiritual wounds pastors endure within the church.

Pastors, while serving as spiritual leaders and shepherds, are not immune to church hurt. In fact, their role often exposes them to unique pressures, criticism, and isolation.

This article will dive into the specific ways pastors experience church hurt, the emotional and spiritual toll it can take, and how they can seek healing while continuing to lead their congregations.

Three Common Hurts Faced by Pastors

Unrealistic Expectations

Pastors are often viewed with great admiration, being seen as the "professional" Christians within the church. Congregants may place high expectations on pastors to be spiritually perfect and readily available, sometimes unintentionally treating them as personal saviors. While pastors are deeply knowledgeable about Scripture and are expected to reflect the character of Jesus, it's important to recognize that they, too, are imperfect and in need of grace.

The expectation that pastors be available 24/7 can be overwhelming, as they are looked to for spiritual guidance and support. However, as congregants, we must remember that our ultimate source of hope is Jesus. As John MacArthur puts it, “Pastors and elders are undershepherds, who serve under the ‘Chief Shepherd.’” Pastors are not meant to be saviors; their role is to point us to the Savior, Jesus.

As we consider the role of pastors, it’s essential to remember that they have other responsibilities outside the church, including family and personal commitments. Supporting and encouraging our pastors is vital, acknowledging that only Jesus is perfect and always available.

Living within the framework of Scripture regarding the expectations of a pastor is crucial. We should avoid placing unrealistic qualifications and demands on them and instead align our expectations with biblical teachings. Scripture outlines the moral qualifications for overseers (i.e., pastors and elders) to ensure they have blameless character (1 Timothy 3:1-7). Pastors are called to “shepherd the flock of God” (1 Peter 5:2-3). They are responsible for preaching and teaching sound doctrine, including refuting those who oppose the truth (2 Timothy 4:2; Titus 1:9; Acts 20:28-31). Additionally, pastors are to equip the saints for ministry (Ephesians 4:11-12) and care for the spiritual health of the congregation, watching over the well-being of their flock (Hebrews 13:17).

When pastors are supported within their capabilities, they can thrive in their calling. They will likely strive to meet the church's expectations, growing in their roles and fostering a strong community. Scripture emphasizes that while shepherds lead with biblical guidance and care, the congregation is called to faithfully obey and submit to them, fostering joy in ministry while acknowledging that these overseers will ultimately give an account to the Lord one day (Hebrews 13:17). This aligns beautifully with the biblical design set forth by the Holy Spirit in Scripture, allowing both pastors and the congregation to flourish in their respective roles.

Personal Attacks and Harsh Criticism

One of the most difficult aspects pastors face is navigating gossip, slander, and harsh feedback from congregants. These issues can arise in everyday interactions, team settings, or even on social media. Unfortunately, in the close-knit environment of a church, words can spread quickly, leading to misunderstandings and mistrust. This can create a toxic atmosphere that affects not only the pastor’s well-being but also the overall health of the congregation. Pastors may find themselves in the position of needing to address these rumors and slanderous remarks, which can be incredibly draining and disheartening.

When issues such as declining attendance, financial difficulties, or conflicts among members occur, pastors may bear the brunt of the blame. This perception can stem from unrealistic expectations that they should be able to fix every problem and lead the church flawlessly. In reality, many factors contribute to the dynamics of a church, and it is often a collective responsibility rather than a personal responsibility. This undue blame can lead to feelings of isolation, discouragement, and frustration for pastors.

In light of these realities, it’s essential for congregations to foster a culture of open communication and grace, allowing pastors to serve without the heavy burden of unwarranted criticism. By doing so, both pastors and the church community can work together to create a healthier and more supportive church culture. 

Loneliness in Leadership

Did you know that nearly all pastors look for support outside their local churches? Whether it's for encouragement, spiritual guidance, or peer support, most pastors pursue these outlets with other pastors because they often don’t feel emotionally or spiritually safe sharing their personal struggles, which are frequently tied to ministry pressures, the weight of shepherding, family obligations, or even their sins. It’s a reminder that even those who shepherd others also need to be shepherded themselves. 

Pastors often face emotional isolation, which can be one of the most challenging aspects of their leadership role. They may feel that they have no one to confide in, leading to a profound sense of loneliness. The weight of their responsibilities, coupled with the expectation to remain strong and composed, can create barriers to open communication. This isolation is compounded when pastors lack a safe space to share their thoughts and feelings, making it difficult for them to navigate the challenges of ministry. 

Differing views and opinions among pastors or church leaders can intensify feelings of loneliness. When leadership teams are not aligned in vision or approach, it can create a sense of sharp division and make pastors feel isolated in their perspectives. They may struggle to find common ground, leading to uncertainty about how to address issues within the congregation. This lack of unity can hinder ministry efforts and further contribute to the emotional burden pastors carry. 

Corrupt church leadership is a very real thing. It often stems from situations where men who may not be biblically and morally qualified are elected to positions of eldership, and in many cases, these individuals are primarily motivated by a desire for authority and power. These men may lack comprehensive knowledge of the Bible and will prioritize their preferences over what is biblical, which can create tension with the pastor and potentially lead to a church split. While this type of hurt is not always visible to the church, it highlights the importance of having qualified and supportive leaders within the church to foster a biblically healthy environment for both pastors and their families.

Pastors may struggle with vulnerability, fearing judgment or a loss of trust from their congregation or ministry leaders. The pressure to present themselves as competent and unwavering can deter them from sharing their struggles or admitting when they need help. This fear of vulnerability can create a cycle of isolation, as they may avoid seeking support to protect their image, ultimately leaving them feeling alone in ministry.

Recognizing these challenges is crucial for fostering a supportive environment for pastors. By encouraging open dialogue, promoting like-mindedness among leadership, and creating a culture that values vulnerability, congregations can help alleviate the loneliness that many pastors experience, allowing them to thrive in their roles and minister more effectively.

The Pastoral Perspective of Church Hurt

Shepherds struck by sheep often feel they cannot show their hurt. They may feel compelled to bury their hurt so deeply that they maintain a good repute on the outside. However, some pastors note that such deep and buried pain will ultimately rot and manifest itself in unhealthy ways, such as projecting stress onto one’s family, succumbing to temptations, intentionally undermining ministry, or even stepping away from ministry altogether. 

It is important to note that this can often lead to a sense of bitterness. Such bitterness may manifest itself through harsh sermons, unkind actions, and unloving words, causing ministry to feel like a burden rather than a joy. And instead of thriving, the focus of ministry shifts to merely maintaining the status quo.

Another pastor adds: “Pastors are very much human and by that I mean they are capable of perpetuating unhealthy patterns of behavior if they don't receive the help they desperately need. It is far too common to see unresolved hurts cause a pastor to become calloused and defensive, [being] incapable of offering the empathy and tenderness that is necessary for true pastoral care to flourish within their ministry. However, if a pastor has godly mentorship, a healthy spiritual community as support, and a church that handles these church hurts well, [these things] can build and prepare the pastor to deal with further hurt that is sure to come in life and ministry.”

Other pastors note that experiencing church hurt can result in two contrasting outcomes: it can enhance self-awareness or instill a sense of fear and caution about making mistakes. On one hand, the pain of church hurt may encourage pastors to reflect on their actions and decisions, helping them to grow and become more sensitive to both their own needs and those of their congregation. On the other hand, the anxiety of repeating past mistakes or encountering further criticism can lead to hesitation and insecurity, causing pastors to be wary of taking risks or fully engaging in their ministry. 

While they aspire to contribute more in leadership meetings, pastors may feel compelled to protect themselves from those they are serving with. This duality illustrates the intricate emotional difficulties that pastors navigate as they strive to lead effectively while wrestling with their experiences of hurt.

The Pastoral Response to Church Hurt

All the pastors I've spoken with unanimously acknowledged the importance of having various outlets and support structures. They rely on other pastors or ministry partners outside their families and local churches (most times) for accountability, encouragement, and prayer. They all agreed that pastors must have the opportunity to process their thoughts and emotions healthily with other mature believers to effectively minister to their congregations. 

As "undershepherds" of Jesus, pastors should strive to seek the Lord along with godly counsel while navigating their response to church hurt. Once their hearts are aligned with the Lord and they have developed a thoughtful plan of action to address the offending party in a manner that is God-honoring, they should aim to respond to and resolve the issue of church hurt. Such God-honoring resolutions can only stem from a genuine understanding of the Gospel of grace and forgiveness. That is, if Jesus—the Head of the church—has graciously forgiven His wrongdoers, then pastors are called to do the same (Colossians 3:13).

We Are the Body of Christ

Pastors are human beings who, like all of us, fall short of God’s glory. They are still sinners who are far from perfect, just as we are. They will make mistakes, but that should never warrant any kind of church hurt. We often forget that when pastors experience church hurt, their families often bear the weight of it as well.

While God has appointed pastors to positions of authority to lead the local church by exemplifying Jesus, we are also called to model Jesus for them. We, pastors and congregants, are the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:27). 

As Christians, we are meant to represent Christ to one another. Let this be our noble calling: to be a city on a hill that embodies salt and light (Matthew 5:14-16), to act as ambassadors of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20), to do everything in the name of Jesus (Colossians 3:17), to walk in love just as He has loved us (Ephesians 5:1-2), and to be holy just as He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16). This, Church, is our heavenly duty.

Continue reading the Church Hurt Series here.